“Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today” – Queen

“I wish everything would stay like this forever.” – Michael Ende

Happiness is bittersweet. We know it must end. We try and hang onto it for as long as we can. The child who hides under the blankets with a book and a flashlight grows up to become the adult who chooses to read through the night when the next day is a work day. Wishing for happy moments to last acknowledges that future loss is inevitable.

Every love story has a tragic ending. Every party must end.

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” – Tennyson

When I moved to my current home, my goal was bringing my mother to live with me. She had already suffered a serious heart attack and her extended family, although helpful, wasn’t able to take care of her sufficiently. She was beginning to show signs of dementia, had recently wrecked two cars, got lost in multiple airports, and was having difficulty taking care of basic tasks. While I looked forward to spending time with her, I also knew that the move and all it entailed was going to end badly. At the same time, my cat was turning 15 and her fur was growing dull. My dog had already suffered through heart worm treatments and was nearing the old age of 9. She was a rescue from the streets of Delhi, India. I understood that I had to enjoy all of their presences as much as I could before they too were gone.

The battle at the end of another’s life is a back and forth affair. We want so much for them to stay, that we can make unreasonable demands of them, as well as their doctors. At the same time, we want them to enjoy every moment left to them. That we is a big part of the problem. It’s hard not to think about ourselves. It’s difficult to acknowledge that we have no control whatsoever over the really big things in life. We want more time. We want to be able to do something. Every day can be a deathwatch if we let it become one. But letting the slow approach of the grim reaper become the sole focus keeps us from enjoying the fact that he has not yet arrived. I didn’t get much time with my mother after she moved in with me. She was gone within 3 months. My dog followed within 2 years and my cat passed soon after the dog.

We hear live in the moment quotes from every side. One of my favorites is by A.A Milne:

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

and another by Walt Whitman:

“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”

However, when the future is bearing down on us, to ignore it is foolish. And when the future is bearing down on those we love, it is not about what makes us happy. It is about their happiness. Because no matter how much we want the things we want, we will probably have more tomorrows to gather up dreams than they will. We get to hold the memories of their joy. Those memories were their parting gift to us and we wrapped them up in tears and laughter to be opened anew over and over again.

My dog loved McDonald’s. She didn’t just love the burger patty, she loved the entire ceremony. The burger, or 2, would be broken up into pieces. Some pieces would be wrapped up in the bright yellow paper and secured within the small cardboard box. More pieces were hidden under napkins in the bottom of the bag. If there were other boxes available more pieces would go in those too. They would all be secured in the brown paper sack, and it would be folded closed tightly. We would hand her the bag and she would daintily carry it by the top into the other room and proceed to tear it apart, finding every last piece with her tail held high. It’s one of my favorite memories of her. Every time I see a brown bag from McDonald’s it still makes me smile but the tears now settle around my heart instead of my eyes. She grew up on the dusty streets you see, she spent her puppy years searching the trash for food. And other than grilled chicken on a stick, there wasn’t anything she enjoyed more than self-serve.

It’s the memories that stay with us, until time takes them away as well. Maybe we shouldn’t do what we do so we can have the memories. Memories are not guaranteed to last. We’re not storing us acorns for the winter like squirrels. The point is to let the future be and let the past support us while we make today the best day we can make it for all of us, even those we never meet. Another favorite bit of wisdom, this time from Ecclesiastes:

 “7 Go then, and eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with gladness: because thy works please God.  8 At all times let thy garments be white, and let not oil depart from thy head.  9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest, all the days of thy unsteady life, which are given to thee under the sun, all the time of thy vanity: for this is thy portion in life, and in thy labour wherewith thou labourest under the sun.  10 Whatsoever thy hand is able to do, do it earnestly: for neither work, nor reason, nor wisdom, nor knowledge shall be in hell, whither thou art hastening.”

Except that part about hell at the end! Hell’s definition keeps changing. Is it the Hades of myth? Did Dante depict it? Don’t get me started about H. Bosch and what he painted. My belief on hell is still being formed. I’ll write a blog on it when and if I get there.