I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately. With the state that my country’s in and how many people just seem to be angry for no reason at all, I either have to get angry too or do something else. I prefer to do something else. I wasted years of my life being angry. Anger feels more powerful than sadness or fear, but it doesn’t have any power at all even though it is energetic. Love is where the power lies. I didn’t know what it felt like to love and be loved in return until my children were born.

My family didn’t hug. They didn’t say I love you. There were no family dinners with everyone sharing their day’s adventures. I was very much to be seen, occasionally, and not heard. Because of that, I wanted to make sure that my children were hugged and treated as I wished I had been treated when I was young. But love is a demanding choice and the path contained some traps and a few detours. Love isn’t about what the person we love can do for us. It’s not a 50/50 split. Love isn’t fair and it will require us to spend some very uncomfortable time with the choices we make to honor it.

Do I love my neighbor? Even the ones in red hats? It’s hard to love someone who isn’t lovable. It can’t be the kind of love that I have for my children. I love them in an easy, open way and that doesn’t fit with anyone else. I can love my drug addicted neighbors, they’re good people, but they are troubled and just trying to get by. I can love my other neighbor who is mentally ill and will periodically scream obscenities for an hour or so. They’re doing the best they can too. But the others are harder to love somehow.

I used to have friends of over 20 years. I loved them. But then they changed. Or maybe they didn’t change but parts of their beliefs became amplified and they let those beliefs hide the rest of their personality. I’m not sure but whatever happened, they got angry. They were, and are, angry at everyone and everything, including me because I wouldn’t be angry at what they were angry at with them. I still love them and I hope that they find peace. I couldn’t stay in contact, they weren’t able to restrain their anger and wanted to argue at every turn. Love doesn’t mean destroying yourself. We parted ways a couple of years ago.

So what about the neighbors that I’ve never met? That’s harder to quantify. I refuse to hate anybody. If someone is that dangerous and awful, I try to wish for them a change of heart. I used to do my best to try and shepherd along changes where I could. I realized though that everyone has to walk their own path and that there’s not a dang thing I can do about most of it. Letting them walk the road that they have chosen is also love. I can’t know what’s best for another person. Even if they are walking into what appears to me like Mordor, maybe that’s exactly what they need to do. Those neighbors that I have never met? I can love them from a distance and hope their trials are what they need to grow and that they learn their life lessons in the most painless way possible.

Today my youngest child celebrated another year gone by and I celebrated another year of her being in this world.

That’s why this post is so late. There was cake; Tres leches cake. I may not be able to taste anything but it sure was pretty. And best of all, there’s love. Thanks for reading. I appreciate that you spent some of your time here even in a world where we’re all so busy.