“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”
― Alexander Den Heijer

Do not say, ‘It is morning,’ and dismiss it with a name of yesterday. See it for the first time as a newborn child that has no name. – Rabindranath Tagore

Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together. – Ray Bradbury

The way I start my day matters. Trauma, anxiety, hypervigilance, and despair never take a vacation. It’s in their definitions. I’ve had more than 60 years of opportunities for all of the above. These 7 things help me change the dynamic before it gets up to full speed.

1. As my feet hit the floor I give thanks for the opportunity to create another day.
2. I ask for good advice, and wisdom in my decisions for the day.
3. Too many mornings of experience taught me to never, ever, start my to do list before I’ve gotten out of bed.
4. There’s a need to set boundaries around my routines.
5. Avoid the news, avoid social media, don’t fall into a computer game, but check the weather forecast.
6. Visit with my pet bird while caring for her needs
7. Get outside.

I give thanks for the opportunity to create another day because during a lot of my life the search to find things to be grateful for made things worse. There have been days, too many really, where I could find nothing to put on a gratitude list; there were no blessings to count. When we’re really low, our perspective is off and reality is seen through cracked glass. I got this advice from a Rabbi who specializes in the Kabbalah. Many thanks to him for that bit of wisdom.

Whatever your faith tradition, asking, or setting an intention, to be wise in our decisions and to be able to discern good advice from bad, reminds us to focus on taking time to think through what is offered to us. I believe that there’s something larger than myself, and I can always use some good advice.

The fastest way I can overwhelm my system is to lie abed and think about all the stuff I have to do in the day ahead. We always have more to do in a day than can actually be accomplished in a day. For me, the list of eternal chores does not engender happiness. I can line up so many lists in my head that the stress of facing another day fighting against the spinning of the world and the falling of the dust, leaves me feeling helpless and hopeless. There are things we cannot control, things we cannot prepare for, and tasks we cannot finish. Whether I think about them after getting up, or before, doesn’t change that, but it certainly makes a difference to my heart and mind.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I was not encouraged to have boundaries for most of my life. Boundaries are not solely about building fences around your mental and emotional space. They’re also about knowing ourselves. I know, for example, if someone brings me strife or drama before I’ve had my coffee, that I will not be at my best. My takes on world issues before breakfast tend to be less than level-headed. The thoughtfulness and emotional stability needed for these types of conversations requires me to have time to get ready to be there at my best. Boundaries keep the messiness of living with others a little less messy.

Avoiding the things that take my focus and turn it away from what I need to do in my life on any specific day has been invaluable. Not only does it help me get done what I need to do, but it helps me regulate my mood and my emotions for the day. By recognizing the difference between what I can do, what I need to do, and what others think I should do, allows me to be the captain of my ship for the day. We all need to feel like we have some say in how our we live. It can be really hard to change this, and even harder not to slip up. Each day that I manage to avoid the cacophony, the better.

Visiting and caring for my pets is one of the easiest and most rewarding things in my morning. There’s something calming in such simple interactions. For many of us this leads to getting outside. Whatever else is going on, I find that just stepping outside helps me anchor and ground myself in the world.

These are not overnight fixes for long-term problems. It’s taken a little over 2 years for this to settle in and create change. These are also not isolated solutions. They’ve been applied in tandem with other ideas and lots of introspection.