“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”
― Robert Frost

Nobel Peace Prize Recipient Maria Machado making her Nobel Medal a gift to President Trump reminded me of my father and his dementia struggles. My father was never a kind man but once the dementia began to show he became positively tyrannical. As in he was positive he had the right to be a tyrant to any and all who would oppose him filling his days with unlimited shopping channel viewing. While he never admitted to it, his other delight was his power to roll his wheelchair over everyone’s toes except the dog’s. Even in my father’s worst moments the dog was safe. Instead of throwing ketchup, he preferred throwing the mashed potatoes. Walls and cupboards were easy targets for his anger because the people kept moving. Loss of emotional control seems to be a common symptom of the downward spiral of dementia. Many people with dementia tend to become pitiable figures that take on traits which make them difficult to respect and like.

I’m sure that Ms Machado can see, as many can, that our President is suffering the losses brought on by aging. He doesn’t walk as well as he used to, he doesn’t have the energy that he used to, and he’s not as fast and clear in his speaking as he used to be. There is something to be said for recognizing the place the person you’re dealing with is currently at when communicating. And like any of the elderly, Mr Trump appreciates being remembered. As we age we need to know that we haven’t been forgotten even though some, like my father, have themselves forgotten entire parts of their life over time. I’m not sure that Mr Trump can always determine the difference between the past and the present, or what belongs to whom, but Ms Machado’s gift let him feel like he had won. Although her prize can never be transferred and she lost nothing of the spirit of the Nobel Prize, it was still generous to give the medal to Mr Trump. The video of the FIFA Awards might have been informative in how Mr Trump can’t resist medals, trophies, and being pictured with the winners.

There’s a lot of speculation as to her ulterior motives. With many saying that she wants to be the new President of Venezuela. Edmundo Gonzalez is currently in Spain and has stated, with her support, that he will return to become President of Venezuela and she will be the Vice President. Ms Machado may be just being kind to an old man who is unpredictable and doesn’t always respond or act in a rational manner. I’m not sure how much calculation one can count on when dealing with someone in their twilight years. They might make promises that their health, memory, or circumstances don’t allow them to keep. They’re not always as in charge of their daily lives and choices as they consider themselves to be and they’re often predisposed to conspiracy theories. My father was sure that it would be just another month, or so, until he would be driving again. He believed that my mom was plotting against him to keep him trapped and take all his money. He also believed that he would return to hunting and fishing again. Many dementia patients insist to be taken to the Motor Vehicle Department on their birthday every 4 years in order to renew their Driver’s License.

It can be difficult to remain kind to people who refuse to behave in any fashion that might elicit a kind response. But sometimes when a person is suffering from mental illness, or decline, we can only be kind for our own sake. They might not deserve it. They might deserve equal pain to the pain they give. But that has nothing to do with whether we are kind. Excoriating my father for his behavior would not have changed it in any way. When we try and control the uncontrollable the ante will always increase. Increasing the response in order to attempt control leads to abuse. The person who is not in their right mind is not choosing to have chaotic thought processes or a lack of emotional control. My children never met their grandfather. By the time they were born he was already too far gone. I have no ill will towards the man but he was an unpredictable character who would, and could, wield words that might cut to their hearts. It wasn’t worth the risk, they had already endured enough pain and he wouldn’t know the difference.

So when I read the Ms Machado had given an old man in his final years her Nobel Prize Medallion and saw the grin of a 5 year old on Mr Trump’s face, all I could think of was a day when my father found a splinter of his dignity. He hadn’t been out of the hospital very long after his major stroke and was feeling rather low. The doctor’s had said that the more he did things for himself, the more his confidence would improve and that would help him heal. On this day, I was there helping my mother as she adjusted to caring for him in their new home. The old home had too many stairs to be viable. She had done to the store and he had made his way into the bathroom. I heard a thud and found him half-sitting on the bathroom floor. He was crying. Now, mind you, I knew him and that was not something he would ever have wanted anyone to see. He was really big on the ‘don’t you pity me’ school of life. I went with an informed guess and reminded him that he was a Marine. I also reminded him that right up until his stroke he could still do a one-armed push up. I reminded him in the fashion a Drill Instructor might. His eyes cleared and he dried his tears. He then worked mightily and got himself up off that floor. That might have been the very last time he smiled at me.

If I was Ms Machado, wanting my people to be free and working for that many years while giving up so much, a chunk of metal would be a small thing to give up for the slightest possibility that it might help. We can’t know what will be the thing that makes the difference, but being kind is never wasted. Whether or not this situation should have ever needed to exist in the first place is the responsibility of those who care for and advise an elderly man and his family.