“She wasn’t looking for a knight; she was looking for a sword” – Atticus

Dear Me,

Don’t wait on someone else’s choices to make your own. There will always be someone around who wants to be important and they will try and get you to react to what they are doing. You’ll end up spending all your time wondering about what they’re going to do next and they will be happy to keep you guessing. It’s a way for them to stay in control. You’ll spend so much energy reacting that you won’t have any energy left for acting in your own interests. You’re going to meet more than a few people who do this. It won’t be obvious at first, they’ll couch it in reasonable excuses or explanations. They will make promises without expiration dates. They will change the goal posts and try to change yours as well. If you answer a question clearly, or make a choice, they will begin to pepper you with secondary options and then head to tertiary options once those have run dry.

When you meet these people, know that this is a lesson in boundaries. You have the absolute right to be in control of your own life, not just what you want but also when you do things. They’ll be late to agreed on plans, just go without them if you still want to go. They’ll promise to do something and expect you to wait until they do, it can extend to years just sayin’. Stop asking them and they’ll push themselves into the situation. Any situation is fair game. The only answers to this behavior lie in not having them in your life in any capacity that you might have to rely on them. It’s going to seem harsh and they will surely tell you so. They will ask for another chance. They will say that they didn’t understand before but that now they do. They will whip up a fresh batch of guilt faster than you get rid of the last one. They will talk about how they need your support. They will promise you anything but only after you get them what they want. They’ll give you the moon, they just need you to pay for the rocket ship.

It’s all a gambit. Yes there really are people like that in the world and a whole lot more of them than you can even imagine. They’re the rich, the powerful, the poor, the pitiful, the gamblers, the hoarders, the abusers, and the saved. But they’re all dishonest and crafty in the end. So if someone offers you the world but requires a small down payment, no matter how much you like them, walk away. The costs only increase over time. I’d say read the fine print but they don’t come with any.

Love, Me

PS> You will never need a Prince Charming or a knight in shining armor, but you will need to make sure you’re armed with wit and strength.