This little blog of mine changes and grows as I do. I’ll be adding a new approach beginning today. It’s not so much removing things but adding to them. I encounter repeating patterns as I cycle through life and each time through I learn something new. I find that if I remind myself of what I learned last time, it helps lessen the anxiety on this go around. Maybe what I’ve learned will resonate with others and help them as well. Since I have an abundance of life lessons, not from making wise choices the first time, why not practice what I preach and share what I’ve learned. I’ll also include a personal note to my past self about what I wish I could have told myself back then. The name will be changing since this “Generosity Project” is already a book and a mission. Look it up! I don’t want to steal their idea after all. Now I have to come up with a name though.

Dear Me,

Sometimes the people in your life will offer help and advice. Not everyone will do it with good intentions and that’s very sad but that’s the way it is. You are not required to take their advice. They might be older, they might be smarter, and they might be so sure of their advice that it seems like they must be right. None of that matters, because they’re not you. They don’t have to live your life. Do what you know you can do. Trust yourself. When it gets scary that’s not the time to let others decide for you. If you have to, just block them all out. Have faith in yourself. You’ve done things that everyone told you that you couldn’t do. You can do this, you already have.

Love,

Future Me

Whenever a path gets to the dark and scary forest, we might seriously wonder if we took the right turn back at the crossroads. There always seems to be someone there at the crossroads, or a sign, warning us about the dangers ahead. I can’t help but think about the “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here” sign at the beginning of Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It was my favorite ride when I was a kid. It was so foreboding and then we would drop into a dark tunnel, the sound of rushing water booming as we would fall into the unknown. I didn’t know that the phrase is from Dante’s Inferno, but it fits because there’s always a warning.

I’ve both retreated in fear and ignored the warnings. It’s best to find a middle path. The gatekeeper, whether sign or person, is not an arbiter of what we need to do. They are telling us that there is risk ahead on the path. They don’t say how much risk, nor what that risk entails. If we turn back, we’ll eventually end up right back at the forest to try again. If we ignore the warnings and run right in, we may fail to make it through the challenges and have to return to the entrance. It sounds a bit like a game and it can feel like one as well.

The middle path is to heed the warning and proceed with caution, that can seem pretty obvious when we’re not staring into the unknown. It’s especially difficult to find the middle path when the people around us echo our negative thoughts and insecurities. They mostly don’t mean any harm by it, but they are also probably comfortable in the way we are today. Change doesn’t only scare us, it scares the people around us. Proceeding with caution entails paying attention. It also means resisting the urge to let emotions push us in a direction, before we apply our reason to the choices we are making. It might be easier to not ask anyone’s advice in the first place.

Not everyone will have as much faith in us as we deserve. Some will play the devil’s advocate believing that that is what’s needed. I have a strong aversion to people who step into the role of devil’s advocate unrequested. They are often more interested in tearing us down rather than helping us grow. We know who will say what. We need to support ourselves. There will be plenty of warning signs along the way that were put up by those who went before us. We need to keep a clear perspective and know ourselves and our . I’m a bit of a leap into the fire when the frying pan gets uncomfortable kind of person, much to my regret over the years. I have learned that I need to sit in the discomfort as long as it takes, which is usually much longer than I prefer. If there’s ever an image that is my lesson in life it’s this:

Don’t give up because the pathway ahead looks like nothing we’ve walked before. Every path we’ve ever walked, we had to walk for the first time. All those firsts have taught us lessons and with each lesson we are better prepared for the next dark and scary forest.