For someone to be generous they must feel that they have an abundance, rather than a surfeit, of something in their lives. Abundance does not mean that we are satiated, it merely means we are not in fear due to a lack of something we need. It also doesn’t mean that we have abundance in every area of our lives. This is sometimes misunderstood and lack is purposefully created in order to create desire. But at other times, this is actively used as a tactic to keep others in a survival state of fear and anxiety for another’s benefit.

When I was oh maybe 13, I realized that no matter what I did, no matter how many good grades I earned, no matter how carefully I raked lines in the flower beds, and no matter how unobtrusive I was when my father was watching TV, I was never going to be praised by him for anything. It wasn’t until years later, that I overheard and understood, his belief that “if you tell someone they’re doing a good job, they’ll never do any better than that”. Somewhere during his life, my father had learned, or decided, that this was how the world worked. He was attempting to mold my behavior by creating a constant increase in his demands in order to keep me attempting to meet his new higher standard. I am sure he believed it was for my benefit. It certainly was not a tactic that benefitted my grades, or created a respect for authority.

In our society right now, USA mainly, I cannot speak to any other with accuracy, the authorities believe that starvation and privation are the ways to increase the populace’s desire to work harder. There is a campaign to create a world where even more so than now, the toughest, smartest, and most ruthless will rise to the top. It seems to be a common tactic. I reminds me of a plot device from the movie “Stardust” wherein the Kingdom of Stormhold has a tradition wherein the princes plot and plan against each other. The surviving prince takes it all. In the real world there are also kingdoms, or near kingdoms, where I see this in play as well. Nations that are run by an authoritarian who pits their vassals, or oligarchs, against each other until one remains in the arena. Once that one defeats their opponents, the ruler can choose to take them out of play, or force their loyalty at leisure.

The common theme I find in all of this is that anyone trying to convince others that they must be afraid of not having enough, or that they must fight with their fellows for survival, is only working for their own interests. If we let our abundance be defined by what another person will, or won’t give us, we are giving them power that they don’t inherently have. When my father withheld his approval, every time it had been earned, he forfeited his power as a parent. Because I realized that he had no real power, he no longer had any connection to his child’s (me) abundance.

When people, especially people that believe they should have a position of authority over us, attempt to exercise phantom power, it’s important that we realize the limits of their influence. Our abundance is not given to us by them, unless we agree to it. Their power over us does not include our acquiescence. We do not have to fight each other for their benefit. We do not have to live in fear worrying over what they might do next. Once we begin to make our decisions based on their, usually purposefully, chaotic behavior, in our own minds we have ceded our power. A society that believes they have enough to share, and that they have the ability to continue to have enough, is less likely to feel powerless and afraid of each other and of their neighbors. That would make that society also less likely to commit atrocities and less likely to be a safe harbour for harmful policies.

Coercive punitive behavior doesn’t create a better outcome. A person who can’t walk is not going to begin walking because we threaten them with dire consequences. A person with mental health issues isn’t going to be suddenly healed because they got hungry. A person embittered by injustice isn’t going to become loving by acting out against others. If we want a better world, we will only move forward by helping each other find abundance and joy within ourselves.

 “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King Jr

We don’t stop trying to be our best selves just because someone says ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.’ Matthew 3:17