So what do you want? What does your heart want? This question isn’t about making a five year plan. It’s not about goals. It’s about what the heart calls us to do, find, create, or experience.

Remember, when we were young, how we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up? The focus was usually a job, or a role. The best adults would cheer us on, the not so best adults might instead tell us all the problems with our choice, or even just say that it was a stupid choice. Depending on our age, that adult’s pronouncement of support or non-support could make, or break, our ability to dream big dreams.

Somewhere around our 20s we stopped getting asked that question. What we hoped and dreamt for ourselves was assumed to be what we were doing, or we were assumed to be on the path to those dreams. The busyness of living overtook us and our dreams. Eventually, we were left dreaming of a good night’s rest and enough money to pay the bills. Some of us walked the path to our dreams, most of us didn’t. The decades passed, we were busy, we got tired, we were too tired to even dream. Then one day, we had mastered the busyness. We had time. But we forgot why we were working so hard to find the time. What was it that we wanted to do?

A lot of us go back to our dreams and the master plans of our futures from when we were children; just to have a starting place. When I was 9, we had a large earthquake. It was 6.6 on the Richter scale. It shook the house, it shook my bed, the finials rattled, my books fell out of the bookcase, and I was smitten. What an adventure! Since no one I knew was injured, and I was too young to see the big picture, it was one of the most exciting things I had experienced. Like a ride at Disneyland without the rules. I checked out books at the library and read them over and over again. I had a new interest and I knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be a Seismologist. This lasted until my father told me that it was stupid to be a Seismologist, they didn’t make any money. I was young and although I still loved Seismology, I never said I wanted to be a Seismologist again. But, I took every Geology class I could, and hunted for fossils and interesting things in the dirt whenever possible. My silence was seen as my acceptance of wisdom, until my second dream appeared. I had decided that I wanted to be an Archaeologist. You can imagine how that went.

I didn’t become a seismologist, nor did I become and Archaeologist, but when I had to start over the first time, that’s where I began again. I remembered my love of geology, and hunting for treasure. I also remembered, that treasure was one of my favorite parts of Archaeology. Rocks + Ancient Art = Jeweler. I studied and became a Jeweler. Not because I wanted to have the biggest, shiniest jewels but because I loved the Scythian metalwork, the less common minerals*, and the historical craftsmanship found in various enameling techniques and metalworking approaches.. It gave me excuses to go to Rock and Gem Shows, dig for diamonds in Arkansas, USA, and incorporate styles and techniques from thousands of years ago into wearable art.

My heart hasn’t changed. My jobs have included enormous variety, but I’m often envious of the Brit that finds an Anglo-Saxon hoard with his metal detector. Treasure hunts? Count me in. Ruins? yes please. Myths and legends, ghostly ancestors giving warning to trespassers? Let me dig around a bit. Ancient burial grounds, and nearly as ancient cemeteries, still draw me in. When the earth shakes and volcanoes throw pyroclastic flows down their sides, it still fascinates me. What has my heart always loved? Adventure, the search for knowledge, and evidence of the peoples who came before me. And as I’ve grown older the knowledge of the cultures and people around me now. That’s not really a job. Well it probably is somewhere. Which reminds me, I need another metal detector, there are some very cool sites in New Mexico. If I find anything, I don’t need to keep it. It’s the search that’s the fun part.

When we have to reinvent ourselves, finding out what our heart truly wants is the most important place to begin. It doesn’t mean we’ll pursue our childhood dreams, but it helps in finding our way through seemingly endless possibility. So I’ll ask again,

What do you want?

*Note: less common stones and minerals can get very pricey if they’re popular. Think Alexandrite vs Tsavorite Garnet.

My favorite poem of all time (so far)

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43997/the-rime-of-the-ancient-mariner-text-of-1834